Confession. I’ve had this post saved in my draft folder for a few weeks now. It’s part of the reason why I haven’t blogged anything recently. I’ve been stuck on what I would call a photographers block/funk. I can’t really pin point what’s causing it, but I would say it has to do with a little bit of everything; branding, networking and business.

Lately, I feel like I’ve been struggling when it comes to defining my brand. At first I thought I wanted something along the lines of intimate, classic and fun, and now I’m leaning towards light, romantic, and fresh/fun. Which makes me rethink what is my brand?  The feeling is overwhelming and frustrating at times. However this winter, I’m hoping (fingers crossed) to work with a designer who will provide a different perspective to my targeted brand.

Then there is networking. Can I just say, trying to make friends and reaching out to peers in this industry is worse than visiting the dentist! I’ve never been through anything as painful as throwing yourself out there and hoping someone will like you and truly believe that you’re simply trying to make a friend to grab a cup of coffee with. Last week, I asked Jorge if I’m too much? Should I be more reserved and express myself a little less. He told me, “No! You shouldn’t change who you are just to please those around you”. And he’s right, but I’m must be doing something wrong? Maybe I’m coming off too strong?! Sigh. So that’s my little dilemma. And although I second shoot and work with others, it’s been strictly business, which kind of makes it bit discouraging and lonely…

Which brings me to my last point. At the beginning of this year, I had this crazy idea of quitting my job to become a full time photographer. I had a plan and I felt confident. But as that feeling slowly deteriorated, of course fear had its role, I started to doubt and convinced myself that staying as a part-time photographer would be best. It also didn’t help when the uglies of running a business showed their faces, like the lack health insurance and inconsistent cash flow — oh, I can’t forget the lack of work-social life — it all made me panic.

So that’s what has been on my mind lately. It’s not exactly inspiring, but it’s something I need to get off my chest and try to overcome. I didn’t expose my insecurities for a pity party; I felt that by sharing and admitting it would help me feel a little better. Scared… But better — and I mostly  shared this for myself, so that one day I can look back at this and remember who I was in the beginning of it all.

Just thinking about hitting the publish button makes me want to hurl… But on a good note, here is one of my favorites from Mark and Melissa’s wedding. I wish I had light like this in all my weddings. :) Happy Monday!

**Second shoot with Mike Handelman**